Ways on How To Set Boundaries in a Relationship From a Psychologist in Melbourne
Books, movies, and fairytales often paint an idealised picture of unconditional love, but the relationships they portray aren't always healthy. Although it can sound restrictive, setting boundaries in a romantic relationship is essential for maintaining its health. These invisible fences protect both partners emotionally, intellectually, physically, and otherwise.
Discover how to define and set healthy boundaries in your relationships with the support of your psychologist in Melbourne at Inner Easter Psychology.
Types of Boundaries in Relationships:
Emotional Boundaries: Emotional boundaries protect us and our partners' right to have thoughts, feelings, and emotions without being invalidated or ridiculed. It also involves taking accountability for our own feelings, while respecting the integrity and validity of our partners’.
Physical Boundaries: These boundaries include setting our personal space and communicating our preferences around physical touch. They also extend to our physical needs such as food, water, housing, and health.
Sexual Boundaries: These involve the partner’s needs and limitations in terms of sexual interactions. It can involve what type of touch we’re comfortable with or where and when we feel most comfortable with intimacy.
Communication Boundaries: Communication boundaries are set to ensure better management of conflicts or arguments.
Material Boundaries: These cover personal belongings and finances and how much we’re willing to share with our partner.
Can Boundaries Fail? Here are some thoughts from Our Psychologist in Melbourne
Yes, boundaries can fail, especially when they stem from a need for control or restriction, rather than mutual respect. Boundaries rooted in control can negatively impact both partners, creating an unhealthy dynamic.
An example of what this looks like could involve controlling how our partner acts, or even restricting how they dress. These actions blur the line between boundaries and control, and can serve as indicators of an unhealthy relationship. It is important to remember that boundaries are about fostering respect and understanding, not about exerting control.
How to Set Healthy Boundaries in Relationships
Identify Your Values and Needs
Before we can set boundaries, we must first understand our values and emotional needs. This involves reflecting on what matters to us in a relationship and recognising behaviours that either support or undermine those values.
Communicate Clearly
Communication in setting boundaries needs to be clear, honest, and direct. The more specific we can be, the better the boundaries can be understood and respected.
Assertiveness is crucial in helping our partners understand how important our values are to us. One way to approach this is by starting the conversation with “I” statements, which focus on our thoughts and feelings in response to certain circumstances and behaviours. For example, rather than saying “you always dismiss my opinions”, which can come across as accusatory, we might say “I feel unheard when my opinions aren’t acknowledged”. This approach shifts the focus away from blame and towards cause and effect, making it easier to communicate our needs and reinforce the boundaries we’re trying to establish.
In DBT, a common therapy approach utilised by the psychologists in the team, it also teaches skills such as DEARMAN to help us assert our boundaries and communicate our needs.
Pay Close Attention to Your Partner’s Boundaries
Listening is just as important as communication in setting boundaries. Take the time to truly hear your partner's perspective, and don’t hesitate to ask questions for clarity if necessary.
Learn to Say No and Point Out Things You’re Uncomfortable With
Saying no can be difficult, especially in romantic relationships where the happiness or needs of our partners are important to the dynamic. At the same time, it’s important to learn how to say no when we’re uncomfortable with something.
Create Healthier Relationships with Healthy Boundaries with Your Psychologist in Melbourne
It is often easier said than done. Healthy boundaries can take time and practice, especially if they're unfamiliar to us. With practice, we and our partners can navigate where the boundary lines should be in the relationship. It’s important to remember that setting boundaries is a collaborative process.. Both partners need to remain open and willing to respect these boundaries to build trust and maintain balance within the relationship.
It’s often challenging to put the above into practice. If you would like to find out more how we can assist, reach out to us today and discuss further.