Dealing With A Breakup | Relationship Grief With Our Melbourne Psychologists

For many, our partners are a source of comfort we closely associate serving as a central pillar of support and intimacy in our lives.

Navigating the end of a relationship can be incredibly challenging - particularly managing conflict, finding closure, and maintaining post relationship dynamics.

These feelings can also come from the loss of a loved one - both circumstances of loss and breakup. The core issue revolves around coping with someone's absence from our lives.

In this article, we will explore the five stages of relationship grief and discuss ways to help us cope, with insights from a Melbourne psychologist.

The Five Stages of Relationship Grief

Grief can be a very personal experience, and what we feel can manifest differently than others. Relationship grief is a natural response to the loss of a loved one through either a breakup or death.

Our Melbourne psychologists use a framework known as the Kübler-Ross model to accurately identify a client's emotions and help guide them in overcoming their grief.

Exploring this model can allow us to take a closer look at relationship grief and understand its stages, which may help to navigate through the grieving process and eventually find healing and closure. It is important to note that these stages are not always linear and that it’s completely reasonable if we go back and forth, or skip a stage. 

Denial

Denial is the first stage of relationship grief closely associated with emotional shock from a sudden breakup, divorce, or death. During this phase, our minds will only focus on denying the reality of the situation. The reality of the relationship ending can have an overwhelming effect, as we may reject or suppress how the situation has happened. We need to process the circumstances in our own time.

Anger

After a period of denial, there will come a time when we’re able to process the pain of the loss. This emotional period can lead us to redirect our emotions to anger, shifting (and escalating) our focus to react in a way that our mind believes it protects us. Placing a focus for our anger allows for our minds to direct a target for our loss and an end goal to seek resolution and closure.

Bargaining

In this stage, we’re likely struggling with misdirected anger and confusion due to the loss of control in the relationship, leading to a tendency to blame either ourselves or our partner.

This may lead us to go back and forth between self-blame or blaming our partners, hoping to reduce distress or resolve the problem. 

This process often involves making promises or seeking compromises in an attempt to reach that solution, which we call  'bargaining'. 

In bargaining, the mind engages in a complex negotiation process in response to the emotional distress we face. It's a coping mechanism to regain a sense of control when we’re in a situation that may feel uncertain or overwhelming.

Depression

At this stage, we come to terms with the reality that the relationship has truly ended. 

As this realisation sinks in, feelings of depression can intensify. We can often feel loneliness, sadness, and guilt at this stage. 

These emotions may arise from missing the intimate connection with our partner, mourning future plans and past memories, and regretting decisions that might have led to the end of the relationship.

Acceptance

This is the final and most important stage of the grieving process, where we can hopefully move forward in life. Grief is a very personal experience, and acceptance may not happen in a matter of days, weeks, months, or even years.

It is  completely normal to still feel sadness over the relationship, but one clear sign of acceptance is recognising the other person's absence without the mind reacting protectively to cope with the situation.

Dealing with Relationship Grief

Redirecting Our Focus Inward

One of the most effective ways to overcome relationship grief is to focus on self-growth.

Processing an end to a relationship can offer a great opportunity to update our priorities in life. 

Physical activities like yoga or going for a walk can help release endorphins. Participating in calming activities such as meditation or journaling can improve mood and self-esteem, helping us reconnect with ourselves.

Seek Social Support
The American Psychological Association (APA) defines social support as the help or comfort we receive from others to cope with stress.

Stressors are events or stimuli that can cause negative and distressing emotions. When we are around friends, family, or support groups, we can receive the encouragement we may need to grieve during challenging times. 

A 2021 study on divorced women in Iran found that social support helps them overcome guilt and negative feelings by fostering positive emotions like hope and optimism.

Connect With A Grief Counsellor Today with Inner Eastern Psychology

Coping with a breakup, divorce, or loss is an unique experience for each of us. We all react to these events in our own ways.

Some may move through the stages of grief quickly, while others may feel pain, guilt, or resentment that lingers for months or even years, especially if closure isn't. These feelings are real and valid, and it's important to go through these stages at our own pace. As mentioned above, these stages are not linear and different individuals might go through these stages in different order. 

If relationship grief is significantly impacting daily life, consider reaching out to one of Inner Eastern Psychology’s grief psychologists. 

Our psychologists and counsellors can help find strategies to cope with feelings of loss, sadness, and grief, and support in starting the healing process.

Contact us today to connect with our Melbourne Psychologists for support.