What is dialectical thinking?

Most of us are aware of the significant impact that our thoughts can have on the way we feel (our emotions) and the things we do (our behaviours).  Our thoughts are really powerful, and can affect us so much in our day-to-day lives.

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, or DBT, has become a very popular therapy in recent years, with many therapists undertaking training and using this treatment modality.

What does “dialectical” mean?  It can actually be a bit of a complicated concept to try to define.  It encompasses the idea that two seemingly opposite positions can both be true at the same time, or the process of trying to find truth within two separate ideas.

Developing dialectical thinking is an important component of DBT, and can be helpful for all of us. Many people may have heard of the idea of “black or white” thinking.  This is the tendency to see things as all good or all bad, one thing or the other. This type of thinking can be unhelpful, and can contribute to stress, anxiety, low mood etc. To manage this, people often talk about trying to “find the grey” – somewhere in the middle between black and white. 

Dialectical thinking is different.   Instead of trying to find where the black and white mix or overlap to create grey, we think about holding both the black AND the white together, at the same time, like a checkerboard.  When we can only see one side of things, we want to search for the opposite, for what else is also true.

One of the most important words to use in dialectical thinking is the word AND.  For example, we might think of someone who has hurt us, and think they are mean or unhelpful.   Dialectical thinking would ask us to look at what else is true; in this case, it might be something like, “This person has hurt my feelings, AND they are doing their best to try to support me with the capacity they have.”

Another component of dialectical thinking is using AND in place of but.  For example, you might think, “Lockdown has been really tough, but it will be over soon.” The “but” in the sentence almost invalidates the fact that it has been hard, it doesn’t matter, because it’s almost over.   Instead, dialectical thinking would say, “Lockdown has been really tough, and it will be over soon.”   It lets us validate and sit with our struggles, and provide us hope at the same time. 

It can take some practice, and dialectical thinking can have a big impact on how we see things, feel and regulate our emotions.

A great way to start is to replace “but” with “and”, and see if you notice the difference in how you respond to circumstances that you are in, or emotions that you are feeling.

Note: This post is written by Dr Amber Fougere. Amber is a Consultant Clinical and Forensic Psychologist, who has extensive experience in DBT.