Self-Compassion: How Melbourne Therapists Encourage Kinder Self-Talk
Our minds naturally focus on the negative, remembering difficult experiences more readily than positive ones, which often leads to harsh self-criticism. While some self-evaluation is helpful, excessive self-criticism can damage our sense of self-worth and wellbeing.
Self-compassion in our internal dialogue not only improves how we feel after setbacks but strengthens our psychological resilience. However, developing this skill can be challenging without support.
At Inner Eastern Psychology, our Melbourne therapists use evidence-based approaches to help clients manage and change negative self-talk. Below, we explore self-compassion and the therapeutic methods our Melbourne psychologists use to help clients develop healthier relationships with themselves.
What is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion means being aware of our emotional pain and suffering while understanding that while it can be frustrating and difficult, it is a normal human experience. This understanding helps us prevent blaming ourselves and shift our attention and energies towards effectively alleviating the pain and moving forward.
Self-compassion, as developed by Dr. Kristin Neff, consists of three interconnected components that work together to create a healthier relationship with ourselves, especially during times of suffering, failure, or inadequacy. It includes:
Mindfulness
Mindfulness in self-compassion involves observing our thoughts and feelings as they are, without suppressing them or avoiding them, but also without exaggerating or over-identifying with them.
Common Humanity
Recognising that suffering and personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience — something we all go through rather than something that happens to "me alone."
Self-Kindness
Extending warmth, understanding, and acceptance toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or criticising ourselves harshly.
Self-compassion also activates the parasympathetic nervous system, reducing sympathetic nervous activity, which stimulates the production of cortisol (stress hormone) in response to stressors. This process oxytocin levels in our body, which promotes feelings of connection and safety.
This shift in brain chemistry helps us regulate emotions more effectively, preventing the downward spiral of shame and self-criticism that contributes to anxiety and depression.
Understanding Negative Self-Talk
Our self-talk habits often start in childhood and affect our thought process for many years. It also greatly influences how we manage stress in our lives. If your self-talk is often negative, you may be perceiving events in your life to be more stressful than they actually are. Generally, this kind of self-talk falls into four categories:
Personalising: You often blame yourself for negative experiences.
Magnifying: You only focus on the negative aspects of a situation, ignoring everything else.
Catastrophising: You only expect the worst in any situation.
Polarising: You classify the world only in black and white, not allowing any in-between to process events.
How Melbourne Therapists Encourage Kinder Self-Talk
1. Recognising and reframing self-critical thoughts
When our inner voice is harsh, it can reinforce feelings of failure, shame, or unworthiness. One of the ways therapists help us reshape these thoughts is through Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT).
Through this process, self-critical thoughts are replaced with more accurate and compassionate ones. Instead of saying, "I always mess up," we might learn to say, "I had a hard time with this, but I’m learning and improving." This small shift makes a significant difference in emotional well-being.
2. Writing self-compassionate letters
Many people find it easier to be kind to others than to themselves. One technique that takes advantage of this natural compulsion is to write a letter to yourself as if you were speaking to a friend.
This could look like this: “I know you feel embarrassed right now, and making mistakes is part of being human. This doesn’t define your worth. You’re learning, and you’ll do better next time. Be gentle with yourself.”
This exercise trains the brain to respond to challenges with kindness rather than self-judgment.
3. Practicing mindfulness to reduce overthinking
Negative self-talk often becomes overwhelming because we can get stuck in our thoughts. Mindfulness-based therapy teaches us how to observe our thoughts without being consumed by them. We can learn to step back and notice the thought rather than fully believing it. So instead of thinking, “I am not good enough,” we learn to say, “I notice that I am having a thought that I'm not good enough”.
4. Finding support in group therapy
We can sometimes assume that others are confident, successful, and self-assured while we alone struggle with self-doubt. In group therapy, we can hear others express similar feelings. Knowing that we’re not alone can help soften our judgment towards ourselves.
Therapists also often use structured exercises in group settings to help participants develop self-compassion and learn from one another.
5. Shifting focus to strengths through positive psychology
Therapists also encourage us to balance our perspective by acknowledging our strengths and positive qualities. A common exercise is gratitude journaling. This can be in the form of writing down three things each day that went well or that we appreciate about ourselves.
This practice helps the brain rewire itself to notice strengths rather than fixate on flaws.
Be Kinder to Yourself
Changing the way we speak to ourselves isn’t about ignoring challenges or pretending everything is fine. It’s about responding to struggles with the same kindness we would offer someone we care about.
For individuals having difficulty with this shift, Melbourne therapists at Inner Eastern Psychology can help using evidence-based psychological techniques, helping with replacing self-judgment with understanding. With guidance and evidence-based approaches, we can learn to develop self-compassion and a kinder inner voice.
Reach out to us today to begin the journey toward developing self-compassion.